Grief During the Holidays: What’s Normal and How to Cope

Grief during the holidays can feel especially intense for a simple reason: the season is built out of reminders. Reminders of people, places, rituals, music, smells, and expectations we carry around them. After the loss of a loved one, these cues can land like a wave. Many people also notice experiencing mixed emotions during the holidays (sadness alongside gratitude, laughter alongside tears) and then feel guilty about it.

Mixed emotion is not a sign you are doing grief “wrong.” It is a normal and human response to loss, particularly during the holidays.

Why the Holidays Can Intensify Grief

Holiday grief often shows up because traditions, family gatherings, and seasonal rituals highlight who is missing. When someone you love is no longer present, even small moments, like hearing a familiar song or setting an extra place at the table, can trigger a surge of sadness, longing, or overwhelm. This does not mean you are regressing in your grief; it means your nervous system is responding to meaningful reminders.

Is It Normal to Feel More Reactive Around the Holidays?

If you feel more emotionally reactive around a meaningful date, that pattern has a name: an anniversary reaction. An anniversary reaction is a predictable increase in distress that occurs as the calendar returns to the season of the loss or a related trauma.

This can look like wanting to cook a loved one’s famous recipe, noticing their usual place at the dinner table, adjusting hosting responsibilities, or feeling pressure to be “the strong one.” For many people, the intensity of holiday grief eases again after the date passes.

How Grief Naturally Comes and Goes

Grief is not one deep, continuous dive of sadness. Instead, it often oscillates between crying, yearning, and talking about your loved one, and then turning toward daily life, completing tasks, making social connections, and building new routines.

This natural back-and-forth is a healthy grief process. Moving between facing the loss and taking breaks from it helps the mind and body adapt over time.

What Can Help With Grief During the Holidays

Create a Gentle Holiday Grief Plan

• Identify the hardest moments (a party, a church service, opening gifts, or driving past a meaningful place).

• Decide what you will do before, during, and after (arrive late, bring a support person, leave early, or schedule downtime). Planning is not avoidance; it is pacing.

Modify or Skip Traditions Without Guilt

Some holiday traditions can be comforting, while others may feel overwhelming after a loss. You are allowed to keep what helps, change what hurts, and treat this year as “experimental,” not permanent. Modifying traditions is a common recommendation in grief counseling during the holidays.

Stay Connected in a Way That Fits Your Nervous System

Isolation can sometimes intensify grief, but too much social interaction can also increase distress. Aim for the right level of connection, one trusted friend, a smaller gathering, or a grief support group. Social connection and peer support can be especially helpful during the holidays after losing a loved one.

Try a Continuing-Bonds Ritual

Modern grief research no longer requires “letting go” in the sense of erasing the relationship. Many people cope with grief by maintaining a healthy, ongoing bond with their loved one through storytelling, lighting a candle, cooking a recipe, writing a letter, making a donation, or carrying forward their values during the season.

Support Your Body, Because Grief Is Physical

Grief affects the body as well as the mind, often disrupting sleep, appetite, immunity, concentration, and energy. Gentle movement, tolerable nourishment, and consistent sleep routines matter. If you notice unhealthy coping increasing, that is a signal to add support, not self-criticism.

Make Meaning Without Forcing Positivity

Many people heal by rebuilding a sense of meaning and identity after loss. Questions like “Who am I now?” or “What do I carry forward?” can emerge naturally over time. Meaning-making is not about finding a silver lining or making the loss acceptable; it is about helping life feel coherent again.

When to Seek Extra Support

If grief during the holidays feels overwhelming or unmanageable, working with a therapist can provide additional support. Grief therapy offers a space to process loss, navigate anniversary reactions, and develop coping strategies that fit your values and emotional capacity.

If this season feels heavy, you do not need to power through. Think in terms of pacing, support, and permission. Permission to grieve, permission to rest, and permission to do the holidays differently.